i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
