Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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