I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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