my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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