ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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