I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
