areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
