dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
