i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
