i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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