Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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