i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
