dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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