i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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