Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
