And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
