Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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