Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
