i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
