So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
