oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
