it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
