Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Randomize
