he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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