the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
