He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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