is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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