My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
