tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
