He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
