Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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