I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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