I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
