I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
