Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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