my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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