My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
