I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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