420 ftw
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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