I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I deserve this hangover.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
