nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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