A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
