So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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