She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
