i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
