so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
