my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
