Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
