I cockslap morals
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
