My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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