I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
