Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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