Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
