If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
