No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
