I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
