I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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