I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
