Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
